The Contrast Between Being in Love with and Lusting After Someone.

Introduction

In this article, i will be writing about the differences between being in love and lust. The purpose of this article is to give a clear understanding of the differences which will be stated explicitly.

What is Love?

The wikipedia definition of love is a range of strong positive emotional and mental state from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, the simplest pleasure.

Love is a combination of emotions that involves intimacy, passion, affection, closeness, care, trust, transparency, honesty e.t.c. Now in a survey i carried out, the meaning of love from the experiences of several people were given but i have chosen just a few to write about.

Blessing said, “love is a strong feeling one has for the other”

Faith said, “love is a feeling of affection towards a person or thing”

Makwo said, “Love is all about total commitment and trust”

According to Oma, “Love is a romantic feeling that brings about this deep care”

Chicharito said, “Love is basically just acceptance”

From their definition, you can agree that there is a similarity and that they all centered around acceptance, care and commitment.

There are different types of love that exists which i would list and explain in the next sub-heading.

The Different Kinds of Love

There are seven Greek words that describe different kinds of love. To list a few;

1. Eros
2. Philia
3. Ludus
4. Storge
5. Philautia
6. Pragma
7. Agape

A Brief Definition of Romantic Love

In this article from the introduction, you may have noticed that it is focused on being in love with someone which is equivalent to being in a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship is a type of relationship that entails romantic love between both partners. This romantic love, falls under or is a combination of some of the type of love listed in the previous sub-heading. The Eros type of love consists of romantic and passionate love, The Philia type consists of an intimate and authentic friendship, the Storge type entails unconditional love and finally, the Pragma type entails committed, compassionate love.

As you can see from the above, romantic love is a combination of some of the kinds of love. Which is intimacy, passionate love, unconditional love, commitment, and so on.

What Does Love Entail?

Love entails a few things listed below;

• Patience: The dictionary meaning of patience, is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious. You may wonder what the importance of patience is in a romantic relationship. The importance of patience in a romantic relationship is very vital. why? In a romantic relationship, both partners most have the attributes of patience to be able to endure under certain circumstances that may occur in the relationship.
• Kindness: The dictionary meaning of kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. In my own words, kindness is showing care. Kindness is important in a romantic relationship because it is essential for both partners in a relationship to live together and be considerate of each others views, values, beliefs, flaws, manner of doing things, likes, dislikes, opinions, decision making and so on.
• Respect: Respect is having regard for the desires, wishes or decisions of others. In a romantic relationship, respect between both partners is very essential because many factors prevail in the relationship such as; opinion differences, different backgrounds, belief system, different race, gender, e.t.c. The factors stated above can co-exist between both partners in the relationship and therefore they must respect each others differences or similarities to avoid discord or quarreling.
• Good communication: In a romantic relationship, lack of communication is the most cause of breakups. As a result of this both partners should thrive to have good communication always to avoid situations of misunderstanding or drifting apart due to lack of good communication. You may have noticed the emphasis on good communication this is because bad communication exists which means misplacing of words that leads to confusion or misunderstanding. For instance, a partner may want to pass an information to the other partner but bad use of words, could make the other partner misunderstand the information passed.
• Sacrifice: Love entails sacrifice. It could mean sacrificing your time, money, efforts, availability, listening ear and so on for your partner. In a relationship, you need to be a sacrificial person because every relationship is built on sacrifice which could mean selflessness (that is, putting your partners needs above yours).
• Trust: In relationships, definition of trust is very essential between the two partners. In situations of infidelity or suspicion of infidelity, the lack of trust may be a trigger to cause discord or conflict in the relationship.

Therefore, the presence of trust in a relationship would reduce the amount of suspicion of infidelity between the partners.

What is Lust?

According to the dictionary, lust is a strong sexual desire. Lust basically deals with physical attraction and works on impulse. For instance, the way a girl looks at a male model in a magazine column and wishes to be with or have him is considered lust.

According to the Bible, there are two types of lust; lust of the flesh and lust of the eyes.

• Lust of the flesh involves sin that defiles the body. What i mean here is things like, sexual immorality, drugs, gluttony e.t.c.
• Lust of the eyes involves sin that idolizes materialistic things such as; money and any other physical possession.

As human beings we have different desires like food,water, shelter, sex and affection but when our desires start to control us then it becomes lust. For example, when your sexual desires begin to over power you, then it leads to things such as; adultery, fornication and other sexual immorality and this is known as lust of the flesh.

What Does Lust Entail?

I have carefully outlined four ways to know that your relationship might be lust and not love.

1. Lack of a strong connection: When your relationship is based on lust, you tend to shy away from topics that involve building a connection with that person instead, you enjoy short conversations that end up with sex. If this happens, it is most likely your relationship is built on lust.
2. Thoughts about sex: In a relationship, if all you think about is how to get naked with your partner then you are lusting after them.
3. Unhealthy goals: In relationships, where lust thrives, there would be no will to have any deep connection with your partner. when there are unhealthy goals then it will lead to unhealthy behaviors that would involve lying to your partner, cheating, less communication and pretense.
4. Shying away from sacrifices: In relationships, there are sacrifices to be made. When i say sacrifice i am talking about time and effort. When your partner puts in less energy in the relationship than you do, lust might be involved. They would give less time and energy and be more interested in getting undressed.

Effects of Lust on Relationships

Below are the effects of lust on relationships.

• Lust in a relationship can make partners selfish or self-gratified. There is no care for the other person’s well-being. it causes rejection and to some extent, causes depression. Lust naturally tries to gain. It is all about what you get from the relationship and less on giving.
• In lust, your partner would want to leave once they are done getting what they want. It causes people to be manipulative and liar. They try to manipulate their partners emotionally and in the end there is only hurt.
• Lust is all about interest in the body of your partner. It can turn your relationship to an abusive one where you not only loose yourself but can loose your life.

Comparison Between Love and Lust

There are two sides of the coin; love and lust. They have very obvious differences and i have specified them for easier understanding.

• Love is based on an emotional attraction. Lust is built on physical attraction.
• Love takes time to build because you get to know your partner better. Lust happens suddenly; it is more like an impulse.
• Love increases with time. Lust starts to fade with time; it happens for reasons and when that reason is no longer there, it starts to dwindle. An example is beauty.
• Love is not selfish. Love is all about giving while lust is selfish and likes to take.
• Love is deep. It tries to ask deep questions that brings both partners closer. Lust is shallow and it only skims the surface and does not care about sentimental things.

Conclusion

Lust and Love have different attractions. It is important you ask yourself this question…

Am i in love or lust?

Try to understand the difference so you do not end up getting hurt. The best way to know if you are only lusting after someone or actually in love is to be completely honest with yourself.