The Hazy Colors of Friendship.
“You teach people how to treat you" — darkéclair
Who’s a friend?
Know someone you share close affection with? I’m not talking about someone you’re sexual with.
Someone who speaks with good intentions? They tell you what you need to hear not just what you want to hear. They come through for you and have your back whenever. Yes, that’s a friend.
Now, I’m not here to lay out the qualities of a good and quality friendship - honesty, acceptance, Trust etc - I’m sure you already know what a true friendship should look like and what it should feel like. All the qualities should be very familiar to you.
But do you know what is tricky? Steering our way around the problems or trials that threaten the bond with the ones we call friends. Lots of times people tell us the tingling parts of friendships the sweetness it holds and why you should hold tightly to it and not tip the balance. Yes, it’s all true and a good friendship should be held onto because they have good potentials. Plus you can agree it’s healthy.
The Haze.
Quality and trustworthy friendship isn’t always filled with scented candles and roses.
If it is, then your sixth sense should be on play! There will be times in your friendship that you argue, fight, get jealous or over-zealous and maybe these things make you call quits or time-out.
When, what your friends have to tell you don’t always sit well with you or you may never agree with their opinions on certain issues; maybe on matters concerning a romantic partner, choice for an outing, stopping you from partaking in things they know would affect you, this is what I call ‘tough love’.
Doing these things aren’t always simple or easy on them or us but if you want a good and worthwhile friendship then it is important. Whether or not they see from your viewpoint, eventually they come around… or they don’t. But I can tell you it feels better when you put it out there.
Friendship is like a romantic relationship. You leave yourself bare and exposed. And you tell your friend your secrets and trust that they don’t sell you out. Most times we trust the wrong people with this vulnerability and we end up getting badly hurt.
Most people find it easy to trust and some are left broken after giving such hope to a person and others are quite quick to move on.
Dear reader, my purpose of writing is to go full spoiler alert on these fake friends.
How to Identify a Good Friend.
Want to know who to trust so you don’t go trying and failing every time? If your answer is yes, then keep reading 👍
To know a good friend, in my opinion, there are three (3) things that you should look out for and be sensitive to.
These are: how they make you feel, their actions and how they react and communicate. To help you better understand, I have asked (and answered) a few questions about what these friends should look like.
- Do they make you feel good about yourself?
If your relationship with your friend makes you feel less of yourself, then that is toxic.
Your friendship with a person shouldn’t make you feel any less. They should encourage you; make you feel like you can conquer the world.
2. Do you feel happy around them?
A good friend is someone who you like being around with. You think about them when you have outings to go for or anything casual. Everyone comes with their own baggage but if you feel theirs is a bit too much, and all you do is console that person, then I must tell you to walk away. This can affect your psyche.
3. Do they put in the same energy?
Just like in a romantic relationship, your friend should be there for you as well. If you notice that you’re the only one calling and texting or you are the only one willing to make time out for casual chilling then you should cut that friendship off. It only shows that they are not willing to go the extra mile (or any mile) for you. The energy should be matched.
4. Do they stick around for the green doe (money)?
So this one is particularly a battle because it involves doing some real thinking and maybe even background check. You should try to tell if your friend is around you for the money. You would notice if they ask for money a lot or come up with stories and sometimes the stories can’t be backed up. And trust me before your last penny is spent, they would be out of sight. Some might just stick around to feign true friendship but before long they will be gone.
5. Do they lend-an-ear?
Now let me tell you play me. A real friend will shut it and use their ears. They know when to speak and I’m not just talking about “hearing” but actually listening and paying attention. Once you feel you are the only one doing the listening then you are the only one being ‘friendly’.
Final Thoughts: The End.
In a nutshell, building a strong and worthy friendship or any relationship for that matter demands that you be open, vulnerable or naked before that person. Be honest about how you are feeling at the moment not later. Save right there and then so you set the grounds for your relationship. I live by this phrase when dealing with any relationship “You teach people how to treat you".
Find people who will support you not just being there when it’s very sick but also when it feels like your walls are being pulled down.
Till next time 👋 …I’ll love to know your thoughts in the comment section. Engage me❤️.
