Who Am I Outside the Relationship?
Dear non-barbie, I’m glad you made it here🥳 before we get down to it, it is important that you get a gist of what a Prince Charming is like. These are facts they won’t tell you in those relationship guides - the true personality of a Prince charming. But your Prince can be completely different, he doesn’t have to follow set rules.
4 things you didn’t know about Prince charming.
1. He knows nothing about pedicures and manicures. Prince charming has odd toe nails.
2. He isn’t a great cook. He doesn’t know what ingredient comes next.
3. Prince charming looks like he is being pushed from the back. He walks lazily.
4. He doesn’t hand you flowers on Valentine’s Day. He will take you to watch a match between Liverpool and Madrid.
Now that I have your attention, let's get down to who you are outside your relationship.
Everyone has their Prince charming. Not every Prince charming is the same. Just like Superman is to Lois Lane and Catwoman is to Batman. We all have our Prince charming and he fits our character and world. This article will explore the importance of finding yourself before finding your romantic partner.
"Why do I need to find myself before I find my prince?"
Dear non-barbie, getting to know who you are; what you like, your goals and hobbies, will help you recognize your Prince charming.
It is kind of like preparing a shopping list. Without knowing what to cook (who you are), you can’t know what to buy (your partner) and what should be on your list (what he should be like).
Yesss, I just compared your dream guy to food😂
You have to know yourself before you can determine what you want in a guy. If you don’t, you will end up going back and forth with the wrong match.
Why do you really need to find yourself to find your match/prince?
It gives you an identity.
This has to be my most important reason. Most girls have the attitude of transforming into the people they date.
They don’t realize the importance of having a mind of their own in a relationship.
If your partner tells you about taking you on a date to any cool restaurant, and seeks your opinion, he wants to know what you think - what you want.
So when you say, "Anything you think is best" it might sound sweet at first but in the long-run it gets boring because you can’t contribute to decision making in the relationship.
Eventually it puts a strain on it.
Taking time to know yourself will allow you to build opinions, likes and dislikes.
It saves you the heartache.
Knowing who you are allows you to build boundaries and like I said earlier, opinions. Having these will help you walk away from bad situations and know when to call it off.
Most of us know when a relationship is causing a lot of heartache and we don’t need to be told. At this point it’s no longer about opinions or intuition. We just need a kick or sometimes we need someone to drag us by the hand and explain to us why we set boundaries in the first place and why we have qualities we want in a guy.
In a next post, we will discuss why it is important to put down what we can’t compromise in a relationship or with a guy.
It sets a standard for Prince charming.
When you have figured out what you like and dislike, what goals you choose to achieve, you can have a clearer picture of what Prince charming would be like.
At this point, your standard is set. You have written down what qualities your Prince must have and what he mustn’t. Now you have a mind of your own.
When you think you have found him and there is a mess up somewhere, you’ll be able to decide if that is what you want to be handling for the rest of your life or it’s an attitude you CAN’T compromise.
Take a moment to ask yourself… "What will happen if it is all taken away?" "When the labels are gone and I’m left by myself" "Who would I be underneath?" "What would I have left?".
"How can I know who I am?"
This is a valid question. It is almost like asking, "What are God’s plans for me?", "When I take the time out to find myself, how do I know when I’ve found 'her' ?"
The thing is, if you have been in several relationships and probably you are just coming out of one, first start by healing. Allow yourself to feel those nasty emotions till you have successfully gotten it out of your system then you can go ahead to discover who you really are outside any romantic relationship.
What does God say about who we are?
The most important thing about finding yourself is first discovering who God says you are.
Start by understanding His love for you. You might hear every time that God loves you. Every church, Sunday school repeats this. And it can get hard to wrap your head around the fact that He loves us despite every sin. But remembering that just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s not there.
You are worth more than nations in the eye’s of God.
Isaiah 43:4 says, "Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life".
That is no small gesture. If you feel because of any relationship that you are not worth the effort, then you should start to see yourself from Abba’s eyes.
You already know that when Jesus died on the cross, He paid our debt in full. So when God looks at you, He doesn’t see imperfections or a person defined by their mistakes. He doesn’t judge you. He sees love, blessings and forgiveness. He sees a stronger 'you' different from what you or anyone else sees.
Now let’s look at how to find yourself.
Do it yourself.
We tend to Shift things to people to help us out but we deprive ourselves of the experience that comes with it. When you do things yourself you make self discoveries.
Find your passion.
Rather than ignoring the things you like, pay attention to what gives you those boost of energy things, that make you smile and engage in those things more often.
Know when to detox.
When social media becomes a little too much, know when to just unplug and disconnect. Getting away from all the digital saga will help you focus on you and decide who you are outside all that and not what your thousands or millions of followers think of you. Starting a social media detox can be a real struggle at first but in the long-run it’s refreshing.
Your Passions May not Align with Who You Like.
After knowing who you are and what you want, you can confidently pick your Prince Charming that has the same values, not necessarily the same goals. But he should be able to see your goals and help you achieve them.
The mistake some people might make is knowing absolutely nothing about yourself (your character) and then choosing a partner. You might end up with someone with a completely different philosophy of life and values.
It is so important to know what character you are in this life so that you can find your prince or so that your prince can get to you. You can’t be Catwoman and be with Superman you have to find your Batman.
In all, don't let your relationship define you.
Think about it…
… when it is all stripped away- the titles, the benefits- who would you be?
A little secret, guys like a girl with a personality.
